Illusion: what we want others to see…
We all portray what we want others to see, and we are all capable of wearing masks. What do masks do? They disguise us. They give us a different character. They tell a different story from reality. They impress others. They entertain others. To some extent, we all wear them, willingly or unwittingly, because convention tells us we have to act in a certain way, or we have to present only the good parts or the worthwhile parts of our lives to others. Brokenness is seen as a weakness. Strength is evident in a soaring scale of material worth and influence. What an unbelievable pressure that presents to us men – the breadwinners, the providers and the ones who are supposed to keep it all together.
I know a few men who have to wear the professional mask but actually, they are as real as the builders swearing at each other on the roof next door. They hold positions like ‘Vice-President’ of a bank, ‘MRICS Chartered Surveyor’, ‘ICT Director’, ‘Professor’, ‘Executive and Business Leader’ and ‘Land Developer’. They like their coffee strong, restoring vintage Vespas and Gretsch White Falcons, competing in triathlons, driving battered Land Rovers across muddy fields and watching rock bands. They have come to understand that real life involves changing soiled nappies, re-mortgaging, worrying about their children, business failure, divorce and death. They’ll happily admit: “The more I know, the less I understand…”
I guess what I am trying to say is this: masks work but wearing them can be draining. Peeling them off could be liberating. But even then, you may be faced with something far more uncomfortable. Yourself.
This is the point of confrontation. Do I like who I am? Do I like what I have become? Am I ever going to change? Such confrontation is always going to be uncomfortable, but always vital to moving forward in your journey.
Adapted from ‘Journey of a Broken Man’ (2021, Amazon KDP)
Written by Simon Marton, Founding Director, WBG
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